As soon as you announced your pregnancy, you started receiving advice from everyone you know…as well as complete strangers!
Now that you’ve come home with your baby, who is completely dependent on you and does not care that you have not slept for longer than 1 hour at a time, the advice from people just keeps on coming. You might find it a bit overwhelming because you’re trying to figure out all the changes that have occurred.
Here are a few tips for maintaining healthy boundaries
Personal boundaries are the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships. A person with healthy boundaries can say “no” to others when they want to, but they are also comfortable opening themselves up to intimacy and close relationships.
- Know your limits.
Before becoming involved in a situation, know what’s acceptable to you, and what isn’t. It’s best to be as specific as possible, or you might be pulled into the trap of giving just a little bit more, over and over, until you’ve given far too much.
- Know your values.
Every person’s limits are different, and they’re often determined by their personal values. For example, if you value family about all else, this might lead to stricter limits on how late you will stay at work, away from family. Know what’s important to you and protect it.
- Listen to your emotions.
If you notice feelings of discomfort or resentment, don’t bury them. Try to understand what your feelings are telling you. Resentment, for example, can often be traced to feelings of being taken advantage of.
- Have self-respect.
If you always give to others, ask if you are showing as much respect to yourself as you show to others. Boundaries that are too open might be due to misguided attempts to be liked by elevating other people’s needs above one’s own.
- Have respect for others.
Be sure that your actions are not self-serving, at the expense of others. Interactions should not be about winning or taking as much as possible. Instead, consider what’s fair to everyone, given the setting and relationship. You might “win,” but at the cost of a relationship’s long-term health.
- Be assertive.
When you know it’s time to set a boundary, don’t be shy. Say “no” respectfully, but without ambiguity. If you can make a compromise while respecting your own boundaries, try it. This I s a good way to soften the “no,” while showing respect to everyone involved.
- Consider the long view.
Some days you will give more than you take, and other days you will take more than you give. Be willing to take a longer view of relationships, when appropriate. But if you’re always the one who’s giving or taking, there might be problem.
We want to help pregnant and new mothers enjoy their motherhood journey! Our services include massages, newborn nurse specialists, classes, and counseling. We offer therapy for women with depression and anxiety.
