When you met your spouse, did it seem like love at first sight? Was there a familiarity to them and a feeling that you were somehow drawn to them? Soon after you said “I do,” did they begin to change? Were they giving you less attention and making everything about them? Did they show fits of rage or suddenly start giving you the silent treatment?
If any (or most) of this sounds familiar, there’s a very good chance you married a narcissist. Still not sure? Here are some common warning signs:
Unreasonable Expectations
For narcissists, it’s all about THEM. This means your spouse may expect you to meet their needs 24/7 while your own are placed on the back burner. If you find you give and they take ALL of the time, you may be married to a narcissist.
Jealousy
They talk a good game, but narcissists actually have low self-esteem. This also makes it very easy for them to become jealous – VERY jealous. And not just about anyone interested in your romantically, but ANYONE who can take focus off of them, including children, pets and other friends and family members. This jealousy will trigger intense rage.
Projection
Narcissists all have the same power play and that is to project their own behaviors onto others. You see politicians do this all of the time. Your spouse may say that you are needy or have anger issues, and in your head, you are thinking, “Wow, you are so describing YOU right now.” Yes, they are – they are projecting.
No (or Fake) Apologies
Narcissists have no empathy. That is, they truly don’t have the ability to look at something from another person’s perspective. You may be hurting or having a bad day, but your spouse seems completely uninterested. They ARE uninterested.
No empathy also makes it hard for them to take any responsibility for their behaviors and actions. But they have enough awareness to know they should at least make it LOOK as if they care, so they will throw you a hollow apology every so often.
WILL COUNSELING HELP?
Everything you try to do to fix things seems to make the problems worse, so you find yourself unsure about whether meeting with a therapist is the “right” next step. The fact is that your once-great relationship is in bits-and-pieces, along with your self-esteem. You’re no longer living with your best buddy. You’re sharing a home with a person who acts as if you’re the enemy.
Narcissistic abuse is very real, and if you have been the victim, you most likely feel exhausted and shell-shocked, lacking confidence and self-worth. If you would like to talk to someone about this, please be in touch with us. We would be happy to discuss how we may be able to help you heal from the abuse you’ve endured.
OTHER SERVICES AT POSTPARTUM WELLNESS
The skilled therapists at Postpartum Wellness understand that there are many areas new or expecting moms might be dealing with. We have offices throughout Virginia and Maryland, as well as provide online counseling services. We help with all aspects of the journey towards parenthood, whether you need counseling or just a little support after birth. Some of our specialties are prenatal massage, birth and postpartum doulas, NICU babies and preemies, military moms, traumatic birth and postpartum depression therapy.
